I’ve washed our car once in the last 3 years. It didn’t make any difference so I stopped. It turns out, we stumbled upon the holy grail of all car paint colors…”dirt”. Ok, technically, it’s called “Sahara Sand” but that’s just some marketing weasel’s name for “dirt”.
We owned the car for about a year when I began feeling guilty that I hadn’t washed it. I took it to the nearest car wash, spent $10.00 and an hour getting it cleaned up and no one noticed…not even me.
The lesson here is I bought a dirt colored car and accidentally found out it NEVER needs to be washed. It always looks the same…pretty good.
Granted, it’s not the sexiest beast on the road. But, I want to dry hump it every time I think of the time and money it has saved me. Now, I just squeegee the windows when I fill it up with gas. That’s it…I’m done.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Dude, you are hilarious. No doubt.
I had always read that silver/grey/cement color was the way to go, because it makes your car blend in with the highway, and less likely that cops will pick you out for speeding.
Now, I’m weighing these two out…
just like black socks!
whoo boy, do we ever have the wrong car color. happened before my time; not my fault.
I admire your logic but I’m just a little too OCD to pull it off. I always wash both cars by hand. I’ve found that the carwash guys do a fairly poor job and plus, washing our cars is kinda therapeutic for me.
That said, my Element is a similar tone so I do get away with washing it less often. Dede’s Caliente, however, is bright red, so slacking off will be pretty apparent. But it’s a cinch to wash anyway…
You sir are not all that bright, Dirt, Oil, Grime, Salt, Sand, are all on the road, washing your car protects its finish. You WILL see rust spots all over the bottom half of your car very soon. Washing your car also helps clean your wheel wells, keep dirt and gravel out of your brakes. AND! With dirt on the car if you rub against it you’re more than likely to scratch it. Just my 2 cents, but hey, whats the guy with a BMW know?!
I always suspected I was a bit dim. Thanks for confirming it.
Ha. Gotta keep that stuff clean buddy whether it “looks” clean or not, you’ll also start to get pitting, and corrosion on your plastic head lights. I know you were talking about the exterior of the car, but think about this “Every minute, 30,000 of our outermost skin cells die so that we can live.” and say you spend 40 minutse a day in the car, 20 minutse to work 20 minutes giong home. 5 days a week. which is works out to be 312,000,000 cells a year. OR 936,000,000 cells sheddedothe three years you didn’t clean your car. Its probably making you and your family sick at this point. Get out that Shampooer and Vacume, that Honda is DIRTY!
You sir, are a ray of sunshine. Are you available for children’s birthday parties?
He drives a BMW, he has to keep his car clean so it looks nice when broken down on the side of the road.
As far as rust spots on the bottom of the car, does anyone ever really look there anyway?
And gravel in your brakes? SRSLY? What a boob.
I owned one of the first mini-vans back in 1983, and it was a similar color…kind of coppery. I loved that color…I washed it when it was needed, but not every week like I did with the white VW Golf we also had around that time!! I also learned with each new car to buy the car it’s own set of “towels” that matched the interior. I always keep one laid out covering the trunk area (large bath size) and then if any groceries spill, it just gets tossed in the laundry. Likewise hand towels to put on the floor if the kids have muddy shoes/sports equipment/etc. They are very handy, and so much less costly than getting your upholstery cleaned!
I love your humor…keep it up!
Hi Jeanie,
Thanks for the great towel tip. Right before it gets cleaned, the upholstery in our backseat looks like a slaughterhouse. I was thinking about lashing the kids to the roof, or just selling the little buggers. The towels are probably a better idea.
Thanks,
Michael
Hi your article is really funny. So I guess there’s no need to clean it at all. Just let it stay as it is ha ha
I have a 4 door Jeep Wrangler and I subscribe to the “don’t clean the exterior regularly” form of car ownership as well. The kicker? My Jeep is BLACK. Hows that for ballsy… i’m living on the edge over here. The BMW owner is going to crap himself in disgust at my stupidity.
I salute your indifference my friend. I’ve never been a big car guy. I just buy what runs and runs and runs.
Is the cussing and “humping” entirely necessary? It detracts from an otherwise wonderful blog.
Since cussing and humping are two of my favorite activities….I’d say fuck yes!
That’s funny. I had a ‘dirt” colored honda civic years ago and I loved it because it never needed washing, now I have a black BMW and even when it is clean it is dirty, usually due to the fact that is shows dust and pollen easily. Funny.
My wife had a dirt-colored (beige) Taurus around 1994. The ONLY time it got washed was when she had to drive across a VERY freshly paved road, and it got all tar-spattered.
So I got out some gasoline and a rag and scrubbed the tar off, but then it looked like a polka-dot car, so I had to give it a good washing to even out the clean spots!
Well, it took about 4 months before it was back to its usual all-over dull shine! ahhhhh…
Oh, I did occasionally clean the windows, though.
Pretty funny… My parents had an Accord that was the lovely brown color (who knows the technical term for it) & it was always the only car with a ton of flies on it! (We had horses) but none of the other vehicles had the flies decorating them! Too funny!
As far a cleaning the cars… I have a pontiac vibe in a dark red… haven’t washed it this year at all… too busy. I really don’t believe the BMW guy realizes that cars are made of more plastic than anything… that shit doesn’t rust…
I think he is a little fruity on the interior cleaning as well… Don’t know about you, but I wear clothes when I drive. So I guess I don’t have to worry about my skin cells shedding all over the interior of my car.