We consider ourselves pretty savvy, but this week we fell prey to one of the most sinister perils of traveling with children…Grandparents.
These slow moving creatures wield unorthodox weapons such as Ice Cream and the constant use of the word “Yes”.
An example of this horror came during our current visit to San Diego. I found our 2 year old standing in her Grandmother’s family room, face buried in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. No spoon, no napkin, just a tongue and sheer bliss.
When questioned, Grandma’s defiant response was “I asked her if she wanted a spoon and she said no”.
What’s your Grandparent horror story, and more importantly, how did you get even?
{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }
OMG, she’s got the most gorgeous eyes!!!
Our little guy is just shy of three months, so we don’t have any horror stories yet… just the annoyance of the grandparents telling us how to raise our child! Like we don’t already know their philosophies.
Our life as parents have only just begun but the first instance of grandmother problems arose when it came to diaper changing.
We have a 3 month old boy and for those of you that have a boy you should be well aware by now that you need to POINT HIM DOWN when changing his diaper if you catch my drift.
It seems Grandma couldn’t quite grasp this concept despite repeatedly being told to POINT HIM DOWN and therefore it seems like anytime Grandma changes him it just results in wet clothing a little while later.
We changed far too many outfits due to not following this rule when Grandma was the one hanging his diaper.
Not sure why she couldn’t quite get it…
I am a gramma, I know why…..so you can change him into another cute little outfit or cuddly sleeper. Parents are so up-tight. I know I was. This time around, it is quite different, more like playing house, or playing family. I get to change the little dolls clothes again? Goody!
After reaching the end of our reserves with a 14 month old waking 5-9 times a night we called in a sleep specialist and 6 months later after a lot of hard work we celebrated our first night where our daughter slept through.
Then Granny was asked to put our daughter down for a nap while my wife was sick. To her this entailed ‘Dump in cot and walk out’ Only after 10 minutes of screaming she decide to go back in.
Needless to say this put our sleep training straight back to square one. Words can’t describe how I felt.
I’ve given my parents four grandchildren and I still have no words of wisdom here. But my 5-year-old son certainly has it all figured out. He said to me today, “Grandmas are moms without rules.”
“Oh, where’d you hear that?”
“Nowhere, I just thought of it.”
I cry uncle.
Thanks for your comments all. It’s good to see we have company.
My mother in law (a woman I love, but acknowledge to be a food pusher of the highest order) once took our 5-year-old to the zoo and bought her a greasy corndog. When my daughter threw it up, a lesser mortal might have brought the poor child home.
Instead my mother in law propped her up with Cheetos and ice cream, and KEPT GOING.
How do I get even? I tell this story as often as possible…
Love your blog, btw.
Recently we had a long term power outage at our home due to a freak wind storm (read remnants of hurricane Ike). We made the decision to stay at Grammy’s house until the power came back on. We expected to have one fun night there and return to our well lit and electronically tuned home. Turns out power was out for seven days and my mother had every intention of making good on her duty to spoil all seven of my children individually. Apparently, at grandmothers’ homes there is dessert for lunch AND dinner EVERY DAY. There is only dessert at breakfast on weekends. There is an overabundance of ice cream and home made cookies. Suckers and candy bars are in every candy dish. Also apparently my mothering skills are poor because I was not aware one should purchase a new toy for their child daily. Thank goodness that Grammy was there to fill in where I lacked. I also found out that I am “too strict on those poor babies” and that several of my poor, destitute children are wasting away. This may be due to their lack of desserts at my home since we only have them on special occasions. It was a great lesson learned. I am a terrible, ogre-like parent who is much to mean to my poor oppressed children. Desserts and sugared cereal should rain from the sky, and I am very far behind on supplying my children with toys. Please, do not call child services, as they will surely think my methods are much too Draconian for a child to thrive.
I haven’t gotten even yet, but I am working on a plan. I think I may simply direct their college tuition bills to Grammy. That should do it.
Jeana: Sounds like you got hit harder by Hurricane Grammy than Ike. Best wishes on a speedy recovery.
hi guys…checking back, i realized i meant to leave a comment on this one. one of the big lessons i have had to learn (and am still learning!) about relating to smaller kids is that phrasing makes a difference! we’re so used to passively suggesting ideas to other adults in questions form and having them get what we mean (e.g. “why don’t we go for a walk?”)…it doesn’t always work with kids. anything resembling a choice and they’ll give you the answer you didn’t want
thus:
less effective: “would you like a spoon?”
more effective: “here’s a spoon!”
of course, it all seems to go out the window once folks become grandparents…
My boys were sensitive to sugar but my parents could not say no. I got even by letting my parents have my boys spend the night on halloween. After all that candy they were so hyped up they wore my parents out. The boys did not want to go to sleep and giggled and talked half the night. Also letting the grandparents have the grandchildren on a car trip for about 4 hours when they are hyped up on sugar was a payback.
Hello ‘c’,
…and all others who believe in a ’sugar rush’ or ’sugar high’,
I have looked into this phenomenon over the years, and found that there really is NOT a chemical or physiological ‘high’ from sugar, other than the excitement of having a treat, and possibly the caffeine content of the treat. Also, a child can pick up or sense their parents’ emotions about this, too.
As an example, check out this link: http://www.madsci.org/posts/archives/2000-01/947564807.Me.r.html
I’m not preaching, here, just trying to dispel the widespread myth.
And the fact that I am a ‘Grampa’ to a 14½-month-old boy, who, by the way, is THE most wonderful, cutest, smartest Grandson EVER, in the history of the world…
Well, I’ll stop now before I start getting ‘jealousy-mail’ from the rest of you. LOL
…just MY 3¢-worth.
Yes I am a Grandmother of 7 as well as a Great Grandmother of 2. A lesson I learned long ago was to follow the parents rules (or lack thereof) to maintain a happy relationship with your Grand childrens parents. It is expected that we spoil them a bit and love them a LOT. I also found that there are times that the happiest site is the tail lights of the parents car leaving the driveway with all their children contained therein.
Another rule I followed was to accept any and all young ladies my sons introduced me to just in case one of them should become my Daughter-in-Law. The result is a great and loving relationship with all 3 of my Daughters-in-Law. The best compliment is NOT being referred to as a Mother-in-Law, just Mom.
Hey folks – you have to realize that we have paid our dues! As your mom, I followed all the rules; spinach and brocolli were a must to try, brush your teeth, in bed by 8:00, respect your elders, etc., etc.!
there is nothing wrong with a hot fudge sundae for breakfast (after all, whipped cream and ice cream are made with milk) – it also lets my gbabies know that nothing shakes me – they can tell me anything!
I still don’t believe in huge amounts of candy/gum, I demand respect and yes there are still rules.
That being said though
Yes, we buy alot of things – not just toys. However, they have to earn the money – and we shop at Goodwills, Consignment Stores and garage sales. Teaches them many different values.
So give us a break! Afterall, where did you get your values/ ideas/ rules?
Written in love – so don’t take offense……
Jeana: You sound like a wonderful daughter and one day will be an even better grandmother. Others should cut some (or a lot of) slack for grandparents – they’ve earned the right. Funny how mellow parents become when they graduate to being grandparents.
When my now 9-year old son was 6, my mother came and spent the summer with us, so he wouldn’t have to go to summer latchkey. It was wonderful. They had a fabulous time with each other. They are both still quite involved in a mutual admiration society.
One morning, a few weeks after my mother left, we asked our son what he wanted for breakfast. He replied “whipped cream”. We said, “Excuse me”? He said in a somewhat frustrated tone, “Just take the can out of the refrigerator and squirt it straight into my mouth. Grandma did it all the time”!
I understand your frustration – but you should be thankful you have grandmothers (and grandfathers) to go to. I would have loved to have had my mother around for many things. But grandchildren would have been her absolute favorite – and she would have spoiled them. Give it a rest – occasional spoiling probably hasn’t ruined too many children and paybacks (all sugared up in the car w/grandparents) just proves you’re probably about the emotional age of your children. Probably just jealous you didn’t get a hot fudge sundae or a squirt of whipped cream when you were little…
The simple reason that children and their grandparents get along so well is that they both have a common enemy. Signed Gram-PA
I am a grandmother of 8 and my children are so wise, they give Grandma the privilege of being the best loved of Grandma’s. Anything goes when they are at Grandma’s. However, I wisely refrain from interfering in their parenting, either in their home or in mine.
I shudder to think what my daughter might write
I do know I obviously did a grand job with her, and she was lovingly spoiled by several grandmommies. Watching her with my grandchildren, there are times I see her being ‘me’ and I note that I should have been less restrictive. The only times I’ve disagreed with her/their parenting are the times I wish I had acted differently. With that said, they are doing what they feel is the best for their babies, just as I did with her. And isn’t that what it’s all about 
*love your blog, by the way*
I have to say that to consider it a “horror” for your child to have an occasional ice cream treat is pretty anal.
Hey you guy’s with awesome, caring grandparent’s! Enjoy every minute of it! The minute we stepped in my mother-in-laws home our children were told to sit down and do not move and she was never so glad to see us leave. And, we had great kid’s. They were respectful and trained not to touch. On other hand, my parent’s we NORMAL grandparents and shoved us out of the way to get to the kid’s when we visited. Remember my Dad sitting our 10 month old son in the middle of the kitchen table with a candied apple. He sat there and laughed at him until he finished the whole thing. Now my son is 30 years old and would not change one of he memeories.
I find it sad to hear so many complaining of grandparents. I truly hope my grandchildren will think as much of me as I did my grandmother. I only realized as an adult that there really were rules at grandma’s house…..it just didn’t seem like it at the time. I was allowed to drink coffee with her in the morning (which by the way consisted of a drop of coffee and a glass of milk with a little sugar). We were always going to try smoking cigarettes but somehow never quite got around to it. Grandma would always “forget” to buy them when she went to the store. At age 58, I still have never tried smoking. I have the best of memories of my grandma, long after she has passed away.
My grandsons and I look forward to spending as much time together as possible….and yes, there is an occasion when they might get ice cream for breakfast….but we all know it is breaking the rules and can only be done on occasion at grandma’s house. My daughter and I have a great relationship and she appreciates me spoiling her boys….she knows I would never do anything to endanger them. She likes the fact she can trust them in my care and not worry about the really important things in life….like leaving them with someone who loves them more than anything in the world….someone who would give their life to protect them.
My mother-in-law (whom I do call Mom) is a wonderful Grandma who LOVES noisy toys and stuffed animals that play music. She snickers (lovingly) as we leave with said toys but I ALWAYS make sure they are the toys that COME BACK to Grandma’s house whenever we come to visit. Each time my daughter tries to sit with me, I say, “No honey, we are here to visit GRANDMA, you need sit with her and push that button over and over because SHE loves the song ‘Kung-Fu-Fighting’ SO MUCH!” My turn to snicker (lovingly, of course).
“How did you get even”??? It’s WE grandma’s who are getting even… We have lived long enough to be a problem to our kids!
My grandmother was the best.. I used to spend each weekend at her house. she would point me to the garden and say.. have fun.. I would harvest the morning glory seeds and replant them.. I would hunt for 4 leaf clovers.. she would give me her old artist paint brushes and oil paint and tell me to have fun.and I would paint. we would make cookies and decorate them.. watch movies wile laying on the floor on a homeade bed of blankets (was just for movies and was comfy)I would have rootbeer floats she would take me fishing. take me to the base where she would drop me off at the pool wile she shopped at the comisary.
she let me have freedom to see who I was and learn but held me back just enough where I would not kill myself lol. as I got older we would go on road trips. sleeping in the car at rest stops on our way cross country.I had lots of fun.. and many many good memories.
We had a Shirley Temple cutie at age 3 who spent the night with her nanny – told her it was her birthday and she wanted a cake. Nanny went strait to the store to buy the ingredients and both Nanny and Poppi threw our very un-birthday girl a huge party! Presents and all. At night we told her to sing Edelweiss and shut the door. She sang that song about 55 times until Aspen fell asleep. There’s no getting them back – they are too incredibly angelic and crazy about our homeschooled kids.
During a hamburger bbq dinner at our house with the whole family, we told my husband’s six year old nephew that he and his three year old sister should share a hamburger because it was too big for him. He insisted that he could finish the whole thing. We tried to talk to him into getting only half the sandwich and started throwing a fit. I told him that if he doesn’t finish what’s on his plate, he doesn’t get to help bake cookies later. Grandma said, “oh, let him have it. He can finish it.” Sure enough, he didn’t finish the sandwich. After dinner, he wanted to help with the cookies and I told him he can’t because he wouldn’t listen to us about the sandwich. He left the kitchen crying and went outside where grandma was. A few minutes later, they both come in and grandma tells me I should let him help with the cookies. She then went back outside. Nephew comes to the kitchen and says, “Did you hear what grandma said?” I then asked him to ask his uncle to see what he says. If uncle says yes, then he can help. Otherwise, he needs to listen next time. Of course, my husband said no. By the time he finished asking my husband, the cookies were done!
My son is 4 and only has one Grandparent who is 80 and a life of his own. I would give anything to have my parents back to enjoy my son and give him a tub of ice cream at dinner time. If you object to grandparents being grandparents, then hire a babysitter. Either way you choose, be grateful your child has grandparents.
My one year old didn’t like being restricted from the pool area at maternal grandparent’s, so they left it open! I have no idea how their own kids survived.
Another horrible thing about the grandparents is their absolute insistance on over-ruling parents, because “they know better” BLEH!
It takes me weeks after seeing grandparents to get him back into routine. Lots of tantrums… so many tantrums. If they can’t handle saying no, they don’t deserve to look after him.
As I sat here reading these I can honestly relate to a lot of the stories that have been shared here. As for my 6 children, they are truly my most wonderful blessing. As far as grandparents spoiling the children, my children are very blessed having grandmas on both sides spoil them like mad women. In my case, it is different than most. Two of my children are terminally ill and I want so much for them to have the best of everything (equality is important to me and having so many children makes it difficult for me to do the spoiling myself). Every parent wants their children to have the best of everything, but in reality I choose to never argue when it comes to grandmas spoiling the children because when they do, it is done equally for all of my children. When my children admit being spoiled by their grandmas I simply remind the children that one day I will be a grandma to their children and when that day happens, watch out. They will need a huge house to hold all of the spoiling I plan to do and another to live in! As for what I do to get both grandmas back, I simply smile and say thank you for helping to put a smile on my childrens sweet faces and that sparkle in their eyes that makes them feel so loved!
I have to say something in defense of all the grandparents in the world. I had to deal with them when my children were growing up and now it’s my turn to have a little fun with the kiddies! My daughter-in-law knew, absolutely, that when I had the grandkids, they would be stuffed with junk food! And I took a great deal of pleasure in giving my grandchildren things like..play dough, finger paints, things that make noise, things that require batteries, and loved every minute of it. But the one I enjoyed most, is when I rescued my 12 year old grandson from being a social outcast. For a long time, I’ve preached to my daughter about being consistent with rules, punishments, etc. Grandson had been a typical 12 year old boy acting like a little jerk and MOM was laying out all kinds of punishments. One was being restricted from using the phone. He came to me and poured out his heart about this girl he was supposed to call later and could he please, please, PULEEZZEE, just use the phone long enough to let her know that he wouldn’t be calling later that evening. I gave him the cordless phone and told him to go to his room and make the call very short. It was a short call – just under a minute but when he came out with the phone in his hand, his mom caught him. He didn’t rat me out, so I just announced that I let him use the phone and he had it for less than a minute. My daughter said “Oh, this is from Miss Consistency and Miss Stick to your guns”. My reply was a classic “You’re the parent…those rules are for you. I’m the grandparent and I can do anything I want”. End of discussion. I’m now my grandson’s hero! So all you parents, stop your whining and deal with it. Grandparents have some getting even to do too!
Ha! I can totally relate. When my oldest daughter was 3 she went to stay the summer with my inlaws. After quizzing my daughter on hygene habits there I found out that she had not been brushing her teeth…my mother in law said that my 3 yr. old told her that she only had to brush her teeth once a week!!! Another time my kids went there for the weekend….when I questioned my mom-n-law on what my 2 yr. old had eaten for supper the answer was a whole tube of pringles chips….she said she thought it was ok since potatoes were a vegetable!!! All this from a highly educated woman!!! I think granny’s lose their common sense when it comes to grandchildren!!!
Don’t any of you over critical self righteous kids remember weekends at your Grandmothers house? Well, I do, and every memory is a good memory. I can only hope that my four grandchildren feel the same way about me.
It’s kind of different with my grandfather, he’s the one who gets his great grandchildren to get him sweets as he can’t reach in a wheelchair, we found him with a pocket full of sweets and a blood sugar of 16 the other day!
You cant get even with your kids grandparents until you become a grandparent yourself. Their parents spoiled you and drove them nuts, so they get to spoil your kids. Its the nasty circle of life.
Ben & Jerry and Grandma… an excellent trio only made better by someone with the presence of mind to capture it with a camera. Harmless extravagance… and no spoon makes it a better story… and photo.
Lovely family you have, sir. Great story and photo.
Well done.
Grandparents are angels sent directly from heaven!!! My daughters were so very lucky to have 2 sets (and at 29 and 30 still do) plus a GGma!
The spoiling began immediately upon hearing the news of the impending births and hasn’t stopped. There have been trips, overnights, cars, more clothes than any 2 children could need, mail containing $$$ just for fun, and lots of precious memories that still make us laugh. My favorite memories are the 2 pairs of “squeeky shoes”, each shoe containing a squeeker in the toe and one in the heal, the large wooden slide that sat in my livingroom forever, the trip to Florida to Disney World where Gpa and the girls spent all day at the water park, drinking “champagne” (soda with a strawberry in a REAL glass) with Gma at midnight New Years Eve, having a pear handed back to me with a request to have it pealed AND cut up because Gpa ALWAYS does it that way, years of going to the donut store in their PJs with Gpa and picking out EVERY single donut they wanted, and my personal favorite, being asked for a cracker 5 min before sitting down to dinner because “Gpa Always lets me have some and with cheese!”
These are memories that will live well past the angels that caused them. My children are the better for having their grandparents so much a part of their lives. How wonderful to be able to get a little respite releaf by leaving my precious ones with people who love them as much as I do!
Love your Blog–Mel
Though I do understand the need to “get even”, I will say that I am blessed with wonderful parents who are AWESOME grandparents too. And there is some spoilage going on, but I operate under the Life is Too Short to be unhappy rule and let them do as they wish. Its amazing, but by not giving them grief…they actually tend to do what they are supposed to! That being said…My little brother is only 1 year older than my youngest son. So when my boy was 2, my father got him a “guitar” that played electronic music. A parents WORST nightmare, right? WRONG. I found, and gave as a gift to my little brother, a toy with sirens. Six different sirens and lights actually. And extra batteries. So, now my son is almost 13, and has NEVER gotten anything that takes batteries again, LOL!! My other brother solved the problem before it ever arose, he informed all of us that any toys coming into their house as gifts for his kids that took batteries or made noise are automatically “tub toys”!
Having decided that we were raising our child on an organic/sugar free diet, she was unaware that sugar existed until one particular visit to Nana and Pop-pop’s house. With mom and dad gone missing to explore the adult world sans child, the darling 2 year old was given an entire box of vanilla wafers and told that they were hers alone. To insure this, the sweet child dumped out every single cookie, took a bite out of each one and stuffed them back in the box. She hid the box for future clandestine eating adventures in her clothes bag. Contraband was discovered later when yours truly went through the bag searching for a diaper. Hmm. Where did this come from? Pop-pop admitted that he knew she just “needed” some fun and he had supplied the entire box. Aargh!
No vengeance planned. The dear child sat on Pop-pop’s lap and peed on him.
I am sure many of you have heard this before, but I liked it so much I Have it hanging on my wall. I goes like this.
“Grandchildren are your reward for not killing you children when they became teenagers”
Face it folks. There are good, smart, ‘clued in’ gps and there are bad, stupid, ‘clueless’ gps. We spoil our gc with love not toys or food. We try not to break mom’s rules without mom’s permission. We know which ones to not even ask about. Sometimes they trick us but not often. We want love AND respect from our gc. Kids are sooooo smart these days, why would you want them to love you beacause you were old & ‘dupeable’? And we certainly don’t want to have the ’same enemy’ as them…what a horrible idea to instill in ANY child. After all, we all want what’s best for them, right. By the way, their other set of gps are like the worst ones listed above. Guess who gets the gc all the time…guess who rarely gets to see them at all. :~)
I have a very smart daughter-in-law and I would never try to tell her how to raise my beautiful gc, even if I wanted to. It’s what she wants that count for HER children. Besides, this makes for great relations with her.
Carol- YOU are a very SMART mother in law.
Your DIL is super lucky!
When I read the “common enemy” comment, that also struck a chord. Even in jest, it’s a weird thing to even suggest to a kid.
I really enjoy this site! As Grandparents, my wife and I have used the noisy toys and “extra batteries” fairly often. We even tell the little ones which package to open first so they see the batteries before Mom & Dad have time to hid them.
We have applied the technique to nieces and nephews as well. My sister is 10 years younger than I and her taste in toys while growing up was typical for any little girl. Basically Barbie. Lots of Barbies. Lots of tiny little Barbie shoes lost in the carpet only to be found by stepping on them in your bare feet in the early hours of the morning when your attention is focused on getting to the bathroom and hoping she’s not already there.
We got her little ones a wonderful “farm set”. What a great play set. It had all the barn yard animals: cows, horses, chickens, even dogs and cats. There were fences and a barn too. And the best part? All 200+ pieces fit into a small bucket the size of a half gallon of ice cream!
She asked me “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???” when the kids opened up the present. I just told her, “Barbie shoes”
-Al
Sure am glad I kept reading, after the first several “anti-grandparent” gripers I was beginning to wonder if I was the only terrific Nana out there. My grandchildren (7&counting) behave better, eat better, travel better, play fewer video games, fight less and in general are all around nicer folks when they’re with me. Not that they don’t have loving wonderful parents-they are my children after all…But the boys know that when Nana says yes/no, she means yes/no. Every summer I take 3 or 4 of them somewhere, just me, no parents, no aunts/uncles, no Boss (grandpa), just me. We’ve been to CA, CO, FL, HI and several places inbetween. We do mountains, beaches, museums, movies, crafts and cooking. The boys are terrific and I try to let them know it every chance I get. My ground rules are simple: manners, hygiene and humanity so conflict with parental rules is minimal. As for the grandparents who wouldn’t lock the pool gate–visiting that grandparent is verboten and the kid that is having a temper tantrum about the gate being locked needs better distraction.
Thanks for a terrific website, so glad I found you!
My father’s parents died when I was too young to remember them, and my mother’s parents were the grandparents I remembered. They had rules, but they also made sure there were special treats both edible and fun. Both of my parents were dead before I ever had children, so my husband’s parents and their spouses were the grandparents for mine. Now the only one left is my ex-mother-in-law, and she is still my friend. Only twice did I have to tell her if she did such-and-such again, she wouldn’t see the kids again. All the rest of the time, I let her spoil them. That’s what grandparents are for. I can remember one time we had gone to watch my then 7th grade daughter receive an award for her short story being published. We stopped at a gas station before we left town, and grandma told the kids she was buying donuts and chips and pop for the trip home, “but don’t tell your dad or he’ll get mad at me”. All our eyes went to my husband standing immediately behind her in line. She flushed, looked back at him, and said “so kill me then”, bought the goodies, and asked the kids right in front of their dad if they wanted to ride with her or dad. Guess which car they chose?!! We still laugh about that one to this day! I heartily reserve the right to spoil my grandkids when I have the privilege of having some!
My grandmother was the most loved person in the world. She meant everything to me and I decided a long time ago that I wanted to be that “kind” of grandma. As a parent I served my dues of telling my children “no” about things even when I really wanted to say “yes” because that was what was best at the time (for the circumstances). I had to deal with the stresses and the temper tantrums , as well as the disappointments. As a grandparent, it is not my job to take over those things. It is the parent’s job to be the “bad guy” and to lay down the rules. I no longer want that job because I paid my dues with this. My job is to give them my undying love and attention and not to blow them off because I don’t want to mess with them. My job is to listen to every word they say and answer every question they have to the best of my ability. My job is to put away the things that I need to get done for the small amount of time they are here and give them my undivided attention for whatever it is that they want to do. I don’t have to give up anything for my grandchildren…I choose to. My life is established and my responsibilities are not like my own children’s. I’m the grandma and that is all I need to be when the grandkids need me.
Wow. I wish I had had grandparents. Mine died when I was two. My father told me I was particularly close to my red-head grandfather, though I don’t remember. I am partial to red-heads though.
My step-kids grandparents are/were across the country.
My spouse remembers fondly cooking with grandma — and is now a spectacular cook.
Be grateful there is someone who loves your kids. It dilutes the effect of your neuroses on them.